The Builder Knows Best

There was this old house that was very run down and dilapidated.  The plumbing and heating didn't work. The wiring was a mess. The walls were rotting as well as the floors. And the foundation?  Well, let's just say, it was only by the grace of God that the old ratty house was even still standing.  So the owner decided,  it was time to tear down that abused,  damaged,  deserted and confused old building and start fresh, with a firm foundation.  The owner called on the only contractor she knew was capable of such a job. She was so eager to tear away all of the ugliness that had become the old building, that she didn't fight, or complain. She didn't even offer any suggestions,  just obediently did whatever the builder told her to do. She was so eager for change and renewal, that before she knew it, the old building was completely torn down and she could see the beginning of the foundation. See just that much sent her mind into over drive. She started to think and act as if the entire house was finished and completely furnished. She walked around speaking of her new house like it was the most grand place on earth, but, the builder knew better.  He saw the house for exactly what it was, a firm foundation. There was plenty more work to be done. Every time the owner would speak of her new home,  the builder would offer gentle reminders, "the plumbing isn't laid yet." or, "there are no walls" so the owner would calm down a bit but it wasn't long before she'd be all worked up again,  shouting about her new home and how wonderful it is. But, again, the builder would encourage her to remain humble "there's not even a door or a roof on this place yet."

The builder was patient, a very calming comforting spirit. He never got angry, or frustrated with her,  but he did open her eyes, so that she could understand that. it's ok to have forward vision, but not at the expense of knowing where you are and what you need to do, to get to where you want to be. He reminded her that it's ok to rejoice over getting rid of your old "stuff" and building a firm foundation for the house that will hold all the new stuff. However, it's most important to remain focused, so that the job gets completed.

Building your faith is exactly like tearing down your old house-- a place that's full of pain, anger, hurt, lies, deceit, secrets and turmoil-- and starting fresh with a firm foundation.  It's important to remember that the foundation is only the beginning.  It's exciting to grown in the knowledge of the Lord. Indescribable, the peace you feel when you truly realize that God is in control.  He knows what you need and He's providing for you. It's a powerful feeling. Being the fleshly creatures that we are, that's right where the enemy begins to tempt us. Remember, Satan tried to tempt Jesus in the wilderness. Jesus never faltered.  He was tempted, but he stayed focused on the fact that he is, because God said so. It's the same way with us.

Don't think because you've seen evidence of God working in your life, that makes you better than those who are trying to find their way, or those who don't even realize they're lost. It simply means the foundation has been laid. You still have much work to do. You may have learned some lessons,  passed some tests,  that does not exempt you from being tested or tempted further and you're certainly not exempt from failing at either. Rejoice over the tearing down of that old house.  Praise God that you survived it. Shout because God is faithful and you can see that foundation. You can stand tall on it and know you won't fall through.  Be grateful (though walls still need to be built,  and floors need to be put down, and tests and trials will still come before these things can be completed) God is in control.

We are set apart, but we are not set above. God is the only one who sits high and looks low, and He sees all of us on the same level.  Never allow God's grace to cause you to take pride in things you could never have done on your own. In all your ways, acknowledge him and remember that with the same measure you use, "it" ( no matter what "it" may be, judging, condemnation, gossip, love, peace,  respect,  prayer) it will be measured to you. Make sure you're dishing out way more positive,  than negative because either way it will all come back to you.

Remember! Don't Retreat.

You will eventually reach a point in your journey where you'll look back, see how far you've come, and refuse to go back.

Looking back should be your motivation to keep pressing forward,  but that won't happen unless and until you change your mind about where you've been and where you're going.  When where you're going becomes more important than who/what isn't with you anymore, you realize that God removed those things/people for a reason. 

When you realize that trusting God is not as hard as we make it, you'll look back at where you were, and instead of feeling unworthy,  or embarrassed and ashamed, you'll understand that He had a plan all along and it was YOU who was in the way of it being fulfilled. 

I read the other day that "if the only time you seek God is when you're in trouble,  your trouble will last always because He desires that we seek Him." Today I realized the very point that my spiritual life began to get stronger than it has ever been. When I stopped praying for God to fix my situation and started asking Him to fix ME.

I spent so much time getting myself into trouble, making decisions based on what other people thought or wanted.  Setting my heart and hopes on temporary things and not eternal things.  And when it came down to the wire and things got out of my control, THEN I wanted to pray  for a way out. "Lord please fix this!" not even "Lord, I'm sorry I'm such a mess." but "Lord please get me out of this mess and I'll never do it again. " until the next time.

I literally set myself up to repeat that same cycle,  because even when I was sitting in church every Sunday,  singing,  and worshipping, all I was really doing was keeping myself covered. I wasn't really doing the work.  I was just in the building so no one could say that I wasn't. "God knows my heart" became my go to excuse for my less than savory behavior.  It was my way out of feeling convicted for the things I was thinking,  saying and doing. 

God is SO much better than that and it wasn't until I sincerely asked Him to fix me, and give me the courage to let Him have control that I realized nothing behind me is worth losing what God is leading me to.

So, I can LOOK BACK and be reminded what God has already done but by His grace and His power I will never GO BACK.

"...You gone hurt yo back..."

I've never been they type of woman who enjoys carrying bags. No matter what they contain,  I don't like to have to carry them on my journey to the next place. Sure, all women love a good hand bag, and I own several,  but on a daily basis,  if I could avoid carrying one, it would forever be my choice.

In the beginning of your journey,  your bag is simply cute, it's stylish,  it goes perfectly with your outfit and it's filled with the things you quite possibly will need through out the day.  The longer and the further you travel,  the more your bag begins to weigh on you. As the road gets more treacherous,  and becomes an uphill battle,  you realize that maybe some of the things you thought you needed to carry with you in that bag are actually not that important after all. Your mind begins to wander to thoughts of how much easier your journey might be if you weren't carrying such a heavy load but you convince yourself that this bag and everything in it is vital to who you are and what you want other people to think of you. 

Some of us, have been walking around with baggage full of things that God is patiently waiting for us to hand over to Him. As heavy as our bags already are,  we keep finding room in them for more "stuff" to carry. This baggage has become the most defining factor in our lives. When we meet new people we hold it out and say "look at this, look at all my mess" and we hope that as they sort through it, they won't conclude that we aren't good enough. Because, if they do, then we'll have to pick that up and carry that with us too.

This is not the way God intended for us to live. He intended to allow us to go through "this" so he can bring us to "that" and we'd be prepared to handle it. Of course there is pain, anger and disappointment  associated with the lessons we learn in life, but God ALWAYS provides healing. We are constantly surviving and overcoming, so, why don't we begin to fill our bags with our victories? Why don't we see that those are the light burdens that the Bible talks about?

Growing up in Church, they used to sing an old hymn on Sunday morning,  "...take your burdens to the Lord and leave it there." The most important line in that song is LEAVE IT THERE. Don't give God your heaviness and expect Him to do anything with it, unless you give it to Him, EXPECTING, TRUSTING, and BELIEVING that He is who He says He is and He will do what He says He will do. Don't go to God with your agenda, expecting him to move on YOUR time. Go to God completely opened to giving up your bags and everything in them, trusting Him to sort through the mess and return them to you full of the message He wants you to carry to your next level. 

My sincere prayer is that we all will become so uncomfortable in the mess we've made of our lives, and that God will give us the courage we need to become comfortable with Him turning our mess into our most powerful message. 

Forgiveness & Trust

This is a major struggle for me. I definitely need to surrender to God in this area of my life because I have the hardest time with both.

I get so caught up in my hurt feelings and wanting to feel "vindicated" that once someone crosses that line, there is no return. Even if I'm cordial again I'm very guarded and cold. Being that way makes me very uncomfortable because it's the complete opposite of who I am.

No matter if it's friends or family,  once my trust has been violated or broken I turn to stone. I'll speak,  I'll even pray for them but I'm never really free or comfortable in that relationship again. 

I would never want God to deal with me that way. I fail him, break his trust and dishonor his friendship on a daily basis.  I need to trust Him to help me, not only understand true trust and forgiveness, but to always show it to the people he brings into my life.

Are We There Yet?...

It's blowing my mind that the same things I want/expect from friends and someone I can call my mate, are the same things that God wants from me. He expects me to be genuine in my dealings with Him, to do everything out of love for Him not obligation, to be honest even when my feelings or opinions aren't favorable towards Him, to have faith in the relationship that we've built and to protect and respect that relationship no matter what. 

In order for me to receive that kind of love from others, God wants to know that I'm able to reciprocate it and that I'm even able to recognize it. He wants to know that if I'm blessed with it I won't destroy it. He's teaching me how to know what true love and friendship really is. He's chipping away at this wall that life and pain and fear has helped me build and hide behind.  He's teaching me about forgiveness and loyalty and most importantly pure 100% unconditional love.  I want it but can I give it? I want it but am I able to accept it? I want it but will I recognize it? I want it and God wants me to have it, but much like a parent won't give an immature/irresponsible 16 yr old the keys to the car, he's not going to let me have it until I'm ready.

Dear Little Me...

i know i can't take away the pain in your heart.
i can't erase the things you now know or the things that shouldn't have happened.
i can only be here even in silence to comfort you and let you grieve

i can honestly say i know how you feel what you're dealing with is unimaginable
there aren't words to make it better but i'll always find love in my heart for you
i feel every ounce of the pain you do, and not because i choose to, but because i have to

you're a part of me.
you hurt i hurt.
what cuts you makes me bleed too
but i'm here
you're not alone

we share a bond in a lot of things but most importantly God.
we recognized Him in each other before anything else.
He'll give us both what we need always, for me to help you thru your painful times and you to hold me through mine.

i'm not afraid to face what ever may come because i know you believe in me.

its gonna be ok.
you'll heal.
i'll help you.
i'm here.
i love you.

love me.

Pray {w/o Ceasing}. God Handles The Mess

I usually make it a point to not comment on or get into debates about “religion”, I know from experience that there are very few people who are capable of having this discussion w/out immediately jumping to the defense, and or attacking the other party for their beliefs. What I also recognize is that alot of people whether they are for or against “Christianity” or “The Church” as a whole, confuse being religious w/having a relationship w/God and that is where the disconnect is.

Religion is a man made entity. Religion is based on humans trying to “get God” through ordinances, rules and works. Religion is based on mans attempt at reaching or “getting right” with God through our own deeds and abilities. None of this cultivates the relationship that is so important for us to have in order to truly know God and understand:

• His purpose in creating us
• Allowing us to be born into the families we were born into
• Allowing us to endure the tests and trials that He allowed us to face
• Ultimately being trusting of and faithful enough in Him to lay down our flesh and allow His spirit to move on our behalf.

I grew up “in church” if I learned nothing else about “church people” I learned that they are all human INCLUDING the Pastor and the officials. I’ve seen my own Pastors battle w/their demons right in front of the congregation, be it intentional or inadvertent, and most of the time it was being done subconsciously. I realize that most people who reject church (and I said MOST NOT ALL) do so because of a very real hurt or disappointment that they have experienced.

There was a point in time where I turned away from the church because of the things that I saw being done by the people that God supposedly chose to lead His sheep. I spent many years not being taught, not being fed, and not being in fellowship with the very people that God wanted to use to draw me closer and vice versa. Ultimately I returned because LIFE became too much for me to handle on my own. I walked away thinking “I don’t need church to know God. I can do this on my own.” As stubborn as I was and as far away as I felt eventually I dragged my tail right back to where HE told me I needed to be. I wasn’t there for Pastor so and so, or this Deacon, or that Usher. I was there to be obedient and to go in expectation that God had something for me. I went seeking Him and I got that and so much more.

The Pastor of the church that I was a member of up until May of 2009, was accused of sexually molesting a young boy from the age of 12 to the age of 18 when he finally told a guidance counselor at his school, who then reported it. The police got involved and there was enough evidence for this man to be arrested and charged w/this crime. I found this horrifying thing out one morning as I was getting dressed for work, and his name came flying out of the reporters mouth, I looked up and there was his mug shot plastered across the screen. MY PASTOR who on many an occasion has been left unsupervised w/my own son who at the time was only 12-13yrs old. MY PASTOR who has ministered to me and given me a message that was tailored just for me from God. I was completely devastated by that as were most of the congregation at my church. Lets face it no one wants to feel like they’ve been lied to, or taken advantage of and where children are concerned, hurting a child is inexcusable by HUMAN standards. My Pastor ended up committing suicide because of his indiscretions and I have to assume immeasurable guilt.

Dealing with that taught me that regardless of what Paul told Timothy about the “overseers and deacons being above reproach” when we are walking in our destiny and being obedient to God, and we make the choice to stop depending on Him, waiting on Him, trusting in Him, and listening to Him HE WILL DEAL WITH US ACCORDINGLY. When we make a conscious effort to instead of praying and seeking God for the strength to resist our temptations and the traps that the, enemy sets, instead we give into them HE WILL DEAL WITH US ACCORDINGLY. If God has elevated you and given you charge over even just one person, and you allow your fleshly desires to take precedence over being obedient, and responsible you will be dealt with. THAT very thing is what Bishop Eddie Long is facing right now. Its that very thing that Prophetess Juanita Bynum also experienced.

God continues to bless us according to our faith. Out of strong faith comes complete obedience because we trust that He will do exactly what He said he will do. God does not ever fail us WE fail Him when we believe and act in such away that says we don’t need Him and we can handle it on our own. The only thing that I have personally been able to do w/out God, acting on my own is fail, and make a complete and total mess of my life. BUT GOD!!!!

2Corinthians 12:19 says “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” God uses the least of us, the most misfitted person to do great things. Moses was a stuttering man, he told God I cannot speak eloquently yet you want ME to go tell Pharaoh to let all of these people go. He was operating out of his flesh. God knew exactly what he was doing, He knew that in using some one like Moses who did not speak well at all, who was not great in stature, and seemed highly unqualified ONLY GOD would get the Glory. We all have a purpose in this life each and every one of us was made for a specific reason, given gifts that will help us carry out that reason, and allowed to go thru some things that will strengthen us to understand what some one else may be dealing with. God will get his way EVEN if He has to break you in front of every body. People like my ex Pastor, and Biship Eddie Long are in desperate need of Prayer, not condemnation but PRAYER.

Were they both wrong? HELL YES!!!! I do not condone the selfish choices that they made which turned into years full of a bad disgusting habit. But at the end of the day, GOD WILL DEAL w/them (and me) accordingly. He is God all by himself.